Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
