i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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