I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
