if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
