Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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