once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
