You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
