Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
