Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
