She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
