I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
