He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
