The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
