When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i drank out of a bidet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
