You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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