I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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