i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
