I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
