k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
