there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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