Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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