No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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