marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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