its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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