and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize