i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
