I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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