I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
