I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
