Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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