a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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