Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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