I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
