Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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