She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
