Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
