I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I am spending my child support on dildos
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
