but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Operation Purity has been aborted
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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