yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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