It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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