sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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