So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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