What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I faked an abortion last night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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