Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
