my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
