note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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