So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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