so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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