my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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