yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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