Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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