My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
