He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
