Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
