i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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