U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
